Teen Titans and the Board Games
by Return Of The South
Summary: The titans are stuck inside and play some crazy games. Wellknown, classic games get twisted till their pure insanity. This is some incredibly funny stuff. No pairings.
1. Chapter 1

**This was an idea that came to me from when me and the guys were trapped inside for ten days (it was a bet for fifty bucks), and all we did was play board games. There will be more to this, rest assured. God has not stopped his punishment for he wants KFC. And he wants it now, bitch.  
**

** Chapter 1: Monopoly**

The Titans were bored (this introduction to a story has been used by virtually every fanfic writer. Aint it sad?) . They had defeated all the villains, done all their chores, cured cancer, discovered the connection between Jesus and all his current relatives, ended all wars and feuds, had sex with John (just the girls), polished Punky's new bald head, and they've even discovered where the remote was; up my ass the entire time.

"Gee, it seems we've done everything." said BB.

"Don't say 'Gee', it makes you sound like a pansy." commanded Raven.

"Yes, master." obeyed BB.

"How about we…um…eat…food?" suggested Starfire, really struggling to come up with something.

Cyborg belched. "I ate all the food already. And the t-car, and a cactus, and a Mexican hat, and Gizmo."

"Wow. You're an obese slob." stated Robin.

"That's what yo' momma said last night!" laughed Cy.

"Oh snap! No heeeee Diiiiiii'iiiintttt!" yelled BB as he high-fived Cy.

"My mom is dead!" said Robin before he broke into tears.

"She said that too! Damn! I am the burn master!" cheered Cyborg.

"Robin, will my breasts comfort you?" asked Star as she…comforted…Robin.

"Yes, ma'am!" said Robin.

WHAM!

BAM!

"Thank you, Ma'am!"

"Oh, no, thank you!" said Starfire, dizzily.

"Cyborg, why are you such an abusive prick?" asked Raven.

"That's what yo' momma said!"

"You're small, limp, and unsatisfying." said BB, grinning evilly. EVIL! EEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLL!

"That's what YOUR momma said! ……Wait. Let me think about that for a second…"

"I HAVE AN IDEA!" yelled Aqualad as he ran in with a cardboard box under his arm.

"That's what yo'-" Cy is cut off as BB rams a coffee table into his gut.

"Let's play this fun, exciting and totally new game!" he suggested as he jumped up and down really quickly.

"….Aqualad, are you….okay?" asked Robin as he stepped over the gasping Cyborg and towards his spastic comrade.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I just tried some speed and now I can smell colors and everything is so…explosive! I NEED TO LICK IT!"

He ran over to Raven, but Raven had already guessed what he was gonna do so she used her powers to knock him out. BB picked up the monopoly box.

"Well, at least we have something to do."

They all agreed and started playing.

**FIVE MINUTES LATER…**

"Please, Ray, just five bucks. I wanna buy some gum."

"Fuck you, BB, I'll give you five bucks for Water Works."

"Ten."

"Seven fifty." debated Raven.

"Ray, there is no half-dollar bill." Cyborg pointed out.

"Tough shit. Tear a dollar in half."

"You can't do that! It's like buying the Chance spot." said Robin, "Which is totally unfair, Cy." He glares at where Cy has 222 mansions on his illegal turf.

"Hey, we let you get away with saving money buy hiring illegal immigrants and child labor, so shut the hell up. Whose turn is it? BB, your turn. Go before I buy out your company and have sex with your wife."

"I don't have a wife."

"BECAUSE SHE'S MINE! SNAP! ….Now go."

BB's piece is at the beginning of the side of the board that is completely controlled by Robin. That boy had everything! Shopping malls, industrial parks, condominiums, and even a Disney Land.

"Oh shizzie…" said BB.

"Your ass is mine! Get ready to beg for welfare." gloated Robin.

"Please, God, give me a big one…"

BB rolls.

"Hot shit! A twelve! Thank you, God! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! Fuck you, Robin! I aint even stopping on your side! Fuck you and Boardwalk, too!"

"That's all right, BB, you'll be back again."

"Hell, no. I'm outsourcing my companies to the Scrabble board. I'll avoid taxes and shit."

Raven was up next.

"Who am I? Am I the horse? No, that's Star. The miniature bust of Chopin? No, too stupid. Oh wait, I'm the hat! Kick ass! Hey, who's the ship?"

"I am. Don't even touch the ship." said Aqualad. He was dressed like Napoleon and was eating a banana.

Raven rolls and lands on chance.

She picks up the card, "Two thousand dollars for being an asshole. Dammit."

The Monopoly guy in the middle of the board comes to life and runs towards Raven's money. He grabs it and runs away while yelling in a high-pitched, squeaky voice, "Money! Money! Money! Money!"

"Sweet Jesus! The game is possessed!" cried Cyborg.

"I'll use the holy handgun!" yelled Robin as he shot the board game with a golden pistol, scattering the pieces and killing the demon.

"Well…now how will we know who wins?" asked Star.

"I win. I hired the thimble to kill all your corporate asses." said BB.

Monopoly: The game of corporate evil.

**Review and tell me what Game I should do next. If your suggestion doesn't suck, I'll use it. But then again, I'm pretty open to stupid ideas.**


	2. RISKY BUSINESS

**REVIEWER RESPONSE!**

**Solvier: **sounds like a good idea for later. SNAP CRACKLE POP

**Shinyo: **Done and Done. Kind of. Thanks for the idea

**Saint H: **I think that'll be the finally. Surprise! Magic bullets!

**Bob D. Johnson:** Last time I got stuck in Molasses, I got the clap. jk, but seriously, I might use that idea later, thanks!

**Wave Maker: **Sounds like a good idea! Thanks.

**Blue Wallpaper: **It's good to see an old, faithful reviewer. Anyway, yea I'm back, but not doin that much, just what I can. Thanks for the constant support!

**IndecisiveMind: **One time, I broke open and ate the powder in the hourglass cus I thought it was pixie stix dust.**  
cutiepie: **I imagine a pie made of cute would taste bad. Thanx for the r3v13VV! 1337!

**Midnightsasha: **Getting money out of the guys is nearly impossible. Naked twister plus drinking equals awesome. Thanx for the review.

Sorry it's been a while, but ya know… shit happens. I've been busy as hell.

I'M FROM THE GHETTO, HOMIE! I WAS RAISED ON BREAD AND BOLOGNEY!

**CHAPTER 2: RISK**

"FUCK POPSICLES, YOU LITTLE BITCH!" Robin screamed in frustration as he lost once again in his Dora the Explora video game

"Oh no! Border police! You lose again! Kill yourself!" the game said in response to Robin's sucky game skills.

"Fuck!" Robin yelled again, "I just want to do the jobs no one else wants to!" He lit the game on fire and sacrificed it to the Kool Aid man.

Suddenly, Raven and Starfire, wearing only bikinis and covered in honey began to wrestle (VARSITY FREESTYLE! GENERALS FOR LIFE!).

"Snap! Don't fight! Just walk it out!" Robin yelled. He began to 'walk it out' to show them how it's done.

Cyborg shot him in the leg. Had to be done. BB crip walked cus he could; technically he wasn't white.

"Holy Fucking Donkeys! We really need to find something to do. I mean, we're all out of honey, Robin just got a cap popped off in his ass, and I'm all out of porn!" screamed BB.

"What about me? How come I'm the most shunned character in the whole show?!?!" demanded Cyborg.

"LACK OF PENIS," answered Jesus, riding on a donkey. He left to immediately lean with it, then to rock with it. Whatever it is has yet to be determined.

Cyborg got burned so badly, he actually caught on fir. "This is why I'm hot!"

"So….wanna play a board game high?" asked Robin eagerly.

"Not with that Mersh shit, you tit bitch. We using some of that White Rhino shit. That's good shit." Stated BB.

"I thought it was Wet Rhino." Said Aqualad, climbing back through the window.

"And I thought you were a girl. Now hush bitch! Get my Raswell pipe from my room! (highly suggested)."

ABOUT AN HOUR LATER………

The titans are gathered around a risk board, waging war with each other.

Robin owned Canada, South America, and China.

Raven had all of Europe.

BB owned almost all of Asia and America, and somehow, he also owned the moon. Starfire didn't have any land but she had a space station in orbit over the titans.

Cyborg had control of one square foot of territory in Ireland.

"I DECLARE WAR ON SWITZERLAND!" Robin yelled. He flicked a rubber band at Switzerland, which amazingly left a small crater in the cardboard.

"You ass! I was neutral!" protested Bumble Bee.

"When the fuck did you get here?" asked Raven. She used her powers to destroy CVS so I didn't have to go to work Sunday.

"I DECLARE SEX ON RUSSIA!" yelled Cyborg as he began to hump a portion of the board.

"AAAA! YOU JUST COLLAPSED MY SOVIET UNION!!!" yelled Starfire.

"Star, that was my territory." Said BB.

"You sold it for a dimebag. STFU, n00b."

In response BB used his submarines to obliterate Starfire's compounds on Cuba.

Star shot green shit out of her eyes and melted his subs.

"You sunk my battleships! Fuck this. It has to end NOW!" said BB. He flipped the protective covering to a big red button and without hesitation, slammed his fist on it. Several small missiles were fired from his property.

"FUCK YOUR NUCLEUR POWER, BITCH SUCKER!" all the other Titans yelled, firing their own nukes. The board exploded in fire.

"Well, I guess this ends in another tie. Fuck, I still haven't worked out my 'roid rage." Raven growled.

"I win, I hired the Thimble from Monopoly to snipe your political asses." BB asserted.

"YOU SAID THAT LAST TIME! OH MY GOD MY VOICE IS SO LOUD!" yelled Robin moderately, trippin balls.

"THIMBLE APPLIES TO ALL LIFE!"

Every Game of Risk I've ever played ended in a fight. Or some one got pissed and flipped the board, usually yelling something like, "You're gonna attack me?! Well attack me now, fucker!"

It seems like a good game for people without ADD, unfortunately, this doesn't apply to my friends and I.

You know what to do; Read and Review.

Mr. T pities the foo' that don't review.


End file.
